The strangest thing happened to me today.
I was on a mission, straightening the blanket covering the ‘good’ couch, firmly tucking it down behind the cushions to make it stay when the index finger on my left hand hooked and I felt an unusual TWANG!!! The tip of my finger emerged dangling downwards, floppy and limp like it was no longer attached to the knuckle. But worse than how it looked was the complete absence of pain – and the fact I couldn’t move it. What on earth had I done and why wasn’t it hurting?
“I’m turning into rubber woman,” I cried, alerting the kids to my problem. “I’m becoming Elastigirl like in The Incredibles – or Mister Fantastic from Fantastic Four. Oh my God, this is awful.”
“Calm down, Mum. You’ve just dislocated your finger,” Son #2 informed me knowledgeably, “It needs a firm pull to pop it back into place.” Without missing a beat Son #1 stepped in front of me, grabbed my finger and gave it (first a gentle), then a sharper pull.
“Hey!!” I cried as the knuckle popped, but again, there was no pain and his reckless remedy did nothing to fix the problem.
“Oh this is bad,” I shook my head – and my limp finger. “What am I going to do?”
Enter Doctor Google. Mallet finger was the first result to come up and the prognosis wasn’t good. Torn ligaments and broken, disfigured fingers. Splint immediately, Doctor Google instructed. Nearing panic I ransacked the house for a temporary splint. Abandoning school rulers, wooden spoons and even a clothes peg, my finger ended up taped to a rectangular pencil eraser (Perfect. Well, temporarily perfect) as I rang the pharmacist.
“Do you sell splints?” I attempted to ask casually. But after answering all their questions regarding the appearance of my finger I was told, “Go to the doctor – immediately!”
Crikey. I was off.
Lucky to be granted a few minutes audience with the local GP, who was in the midst of an already solid line-up of appointments ahead of the public holiday, he flicked my limp finger with a curious kind of scrutiny. “It does indeed look like mallet finger deformity,” he concluded in a bewildered sort of way.
(You mean you haven’t seen this problem a million times before?!)
And hey…. Wait a minute…. Did you just say ‘deformity???’
“Did you really do this tucking in a blanket?” He asked sceptically.
“I really did,” I confirmed as he bundled me out of his office with instructions to come straight back with an x-ray.
“Nothing broken,” the doctor muttered studying the film, “but I’m going to refer you to a plastic surgeon.”
The who now? I know I’m getting a bit long in the tooth, but it’s a bit rough when you present with a ‘deformed finger’ and the doctor suggests (unbidden) that you need the aid of a plastic surgeon. What you sayin’, Doc?
“Ah, what for?” I ventured, slightly miffed.
He didn’t even look up from his referral sheet. “Well you’re likely going to need surgery to fix your finger,” he said.
Say what now?
“You’re not serious?” I gasped in horror. How serious could this be?
“Do not take off the splint,” he instructed me seriously. “You must wear it until the surgeon says you can take it off.”
Okay, this was bad.
Dazed, I relayed my story to the Lord of the Manor, who listened quietly till the bitter end.
“Do you think the plastic surgeon will do a bulk discount?” He finally uttered.
I stared at him blankly.
And he waited…
…and waited….
…..and waited…..
“Hey!!!” I gave his arm a whack. “What you saying?”
“Nothing,” he pulled me in tight. “I wouldn’t change a thing. Except for your deformity, of course.”
Hey!! Whack! Cheeky bugger.
Blonde On!
Ps: Since writing this blog I’ve seen the plastic surgeon and don’t require surgery. That being said, I’ve torn the ligament and it’s come off the bone. At this stage I’ll be wearing the splint shown in the photograph for the next eight to twelve weeks and it’s already driving me crazy.
The take home message is be very careful with your fingers when they’re in a rolled down position. Don’t push too hard!! Apparently this is quite a common injury and it’s not fun.
PPs: I’m not a doctor or medical professional. You should not use my descriptions or information in this blog as medical advice. Please see your doctor if you sustain any injuries to your fingers and hands.
Blonde Logic 